Autumn

Autumn is, by far, my favorite season of the year.

I love crunching the leaves with my shoes as I pass the same trees that were different colors the week before.

I love the smell after a cold rainfall - hold the humidity.

I love seeing kids in their over-sized coats and hats and scarves that are totally unnecessary in this weather.

I love...wearing my peacoat. Right now, though, it's too warm to wear it and it's driving me nuts. I'm also hoping to eventually buy a new coat since the one I currently have has seen better days.

Winter is nice too but I don't like the slush and getting my shoes and pants wet.

Things with Ian are...alright. We still have our ups and downs but as more time passes, the more I realize that EVERYONE who is in a relationship has small and big problems...but they don't always talk about them. It doesn't help that I only have like...one "close" friend who is in a relationship but I won't get into that. I still love him more than anything though and that's what keeps me going. I love him more each time I'm with him.

Work is going really well. My manager quit so I'll be getting more hours again and that makes me both happy and sad - I like my off days. I like not working 4 days in a row because it's like a vacation. Some days are good and some are bad but mostly, my days at work are good. Especially with my manager gone. I won't mention his name or his likeness but he's an ass hole as far as managers go. He didn't know how to MANAGE and instead would sit on his butt all day and make me do all of the work that he could've helped me with.

The really good news is that since I've started work, I've lost at least 10 pounds. Since I'm overweight and know a lot of people who are overweight or once were, I try not to obsess about it and I try not to jump on the scale every day but last I checked, I had lost 10 pounds and I can tell since ALL of my jeans are falling down more often than they used to in the first place. I still need to buy a belt...

So I can thank my ex manager for helping to make me less of a fat ass and I know that as long as I continue pushing myself to lift and drop enormous bags of dog and cat food, I'll continue to sweat and I'll continue losing weight.

I'm fat. I've always been fat. I'll always be fat.

It's the one thing I really hate about myself. There are days when I don't even understand what Ian is doing with me because I feel so yucky about myself. And when he pushes the hair out of my face or kisses me on the forehead, that feeling usually goes away.

We're moving in April.

So that gives me a few months to start saving for more silverware (he has a fork, a spoon and a few knives...), some more plates and bowls, kitchen utensils, our dream but affordable bed, and furniture.

God willing.