1. I will never be who you want me to be and eventually, you're going to have to accept that. I want to do things my way and you've always wanted me to do things your way. We were never meant to be in each other's lives but I'm stuck with you. Most of the time, I wish it was all a bad dream.
2. I wish I could have said goodbye to you. You were a good dog and you were mine. Nobody loved you as much as I did and still do. I miss seeing you at my door when I wake up in the morning and I miss seeing you at the front door when I come home at night. I know you weren't feeling well but I'll never truly know how much pain you were in since I wasn't here the night it happened. I wish I could have said goodbye but I also know that it would've been too hard and I'd probably still be crying every day. Yesterday I had a dream that I convinced the vet not to put you to sleep and you were back here with me but when I realized you were, in fact, gone I went back to my bed and cried. I love you and I promise that if I ever get another dog or cat, I will treat them better and think of you. You were loved.
3. Sometimes things happen or don't happen for a reason. The truth is that I will probably always have a small place for you in my heart but I bring myself back to reality when I remember how easy it was for you to give up on what we could've had. I'll always be here for you when you need someone to talk to. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like had we gotten our acts together but I probably would've found a way to screw it up because that's what I do.
4. I miss you. I miss seeing you in the kitchen late at night or peeking into the living room to find you asleep in the chair with the t.v. on mute. I miss our talks and how close we used to be. I miss driving around aimlessly and talking about school and how I often felt out of place in the world and how you always told me it was okay to be different. I miss you most when I see little girls with their dads, holding their hands, walking across a busy street. I envy families. I'm sad to say that I don't think of you all of the time or every day like I used to but when you do cross my mind, I try smiling.
5. You're my best friend. I don't know what you think of me or if you feel the same way but any time anything bad or good happens to me, you're one of the first people I want to talk to.
6. I'm afraid to visit you because the last time I did, you didn't know who I was. I guess in my naive mind I thought that you would always know who I was because I never judged you and I always listened to everything you had to say. I haven't seen you in more than a year. I know that some day soon I'll work up the courage to come and see you and I should do it soon before we get a phone call that you've passed away.
7. You've always been there for me, for as long as I've known you. There have been times when I wished you were more of a loyal friend to me but I also know you wish I was around more. I don't know what to say. I'm holding onto this with everything I've got left in me and I think you feel the same.
8. I wish you came looking for me. I wish I knew if you regret giving me up. I wish you would've taken the initiative to come and find me and talk to me about why you did what you did. The truth is that you probably never think twice about it. You were so young when I was born, not ready to be a mother and not ready to start a family. One day I hope to find you so we can talk and also to be a small part of one another's lives. I hate that I will never know my father but I feel like in this situation, there's a very small chance that I could find my birth mother. When I have the money and the resources, I'll look for you.
9. I wish we were still friends. You've changed and I don't like the person that you are anymore. I hate people like you. You'll realize one day where you went wrong with all of the people who used to care about you.
10. Thank you for always being my rock, even when you can't stand my attitude or temper tantrums. I love you.
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