cold feet

I'm getting cold feet about moving in with Ian. Don't get me wrong - I want to live with him. I hate coming back to my house and knowing that he's not within walking distance of me. I hate that I can't just crawl into bed with him and hold him and go to bed.

I guess I'm afraid of things going downhill and then we'll break up. And where will I be? Back at the house with my mom? I'm afraid of our apartment getting broken into and our cats getting stolen and then skinned and murdered (I know that that's weird but..it's the worst case scenario) and we won't ever know what happened to them. I'm afraid that one day I'll come home from work and Ian will be in bed with someone else. I'm afraid that he will never clean and we'll get into petty arguments about the smallest things in the world but they'll just accumulate and pile up like dirty dishes.

I love Ian but I just worry that us living together could make things worse between us...and at the same time, we both feel that so many of our current issues will be resolved once we live together. It has a lot to do with time...not having enough time to do this and that with each other, not having enough time in the four days I stay over because I have to work or we have to run errands. We just run out of time for each other.

I think that if we get into an argument while we're living together, I can just go out and blow off some steam and just give him some space. Right now, when we argue, we're stuck in the same room with one another and sometimes things become worse than they need to. I am hoping that our move-in will force Ian to grow up and realize that he needs to stop being so relaxed about our relationship and take it more seriously.