Last night I didn't go to bed until about 2 a.m. and woke up at 9, now it's not even 11 30 p.m. and I'm wiped. It's good because I have to get up at 8 a.m. on Thursday.
I'm getting very frustrated about my job. I have started to look for new work..just kind of hoping to find a better job before I get canned.
I was telling one of my co-workers that since it's such a small place, there is almost NO room to make mistakes. The constant criticism just wears you down but you gotta take the good with the bad. I like working there but I don't like the negative environment it can be from time to time. I feel like no matter what I do, it isn't good enough. My genuine efforts go unnoticed and my mistakes, big and small, are always noted and then examined under a big microscope.
Things with Ian are alright. We got into a big argument on Sunday that led to me almost leaving. I'm tired of trying to get everything out of him. He rarely talks about how he feels and it just bothers me when I see him open up to someone else. It just makes me feel like he doesn't care about me or doesn't love me because he cannot openly communicate with me the way he does with other people.
He's stressed because of the move. And to be honest, I'm starting to stress out as well. I want us to be able to find a nice place with a lot of light. I want to find a place that is big enough for both of us in all aspects. I'm also worried about how our cats are going to get on. I know that Molly is going to be a big jerk and Flynn is just gonna be like, "LET'S PLAY! COME ON! COME ON! LET'S GO! GET GOING FATTY!" and she's gonna go, "I don't think so, junior." *SWAT!*
That's probably what will happen.
I was recently watching a bad reality show, which I won't say the name of lol, and the girl was talking about how bad things were with her boyfriend at the time and how she wanted to break up with him [and did] and that she was stuck between a rock and a hard place because she knew she'd miss him. I don't really know how things would be if Ian and I broke up. I think that both of us would be a mess for a while and that we would probably just end up getting back together. Over the past year and a half, both of our lives have changed immensely because of the impact we've both had on each other. It's hard to walk away. Every time I've thought of walking away, what has brought me back down on earth is knowing that my life would not become...easier without Ian in it. It would just make things more difficult. And until the day I can sit down and make a mental list and say that my life would be easier without him, I don't think I will ever fully let go.
MY BIRTHDAY IS ON THE 25TH. I'm turning 24. I'm excited. I'm having a very small gathering at my house, just my closest friends and Ian. We're building blanket forts! And we're going to order chinese food, play board games and watch bad romantic-comedies. My mom is making me a cake out of a box and Ian said he's going to also get me one from Dinkels, which is this great bakery in Chicago that I didn't know existed until I started dating Ian. Their cakes are so good and I also love their hot chocolate and the breakfast items they have.
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