Day 6

Day six: Your favorite superhero and why.

Fantastic Four, because they have awesome powers and work as a team always (most of the time). I really like Mark Millar's version of Fantastic Four.

To be honest, I don't really like Batman all that much because my graphic novels teacher forced the comics down my throat and by the end of the semester, I was just kind of like "I HATE BATMAN!!!" I developed a love for the joker and the other villains that we came across in reading different Batman comics.

When I came across Fantastic Four, I actually went out and bought the other issues because I loved the story line, I thought the art was pretty awesome and I loved the main idea of the issues that we were asked to read.

I don't think Scott Pilgrim counts as a superhero since he's kind of an ass but if he was a choice, I would pick him. I can't wait until the movie comes out. I've been looking forward to it for like a year. The books are excellent. Definitely recommend them.

tears over constantly being left out.

My entire life, I've suffered with the obsession of being included on things. When I got left out of things my friends were doing, I got upset. When my parents went to adult only things, I got upset. In recent years, my family has decided to cut me out but on a much larger scale than what I was just talking about.

When I die, I will be remembered as the cold one. My family has this mentality about me and my behavior that I've no desire to change. They don't care if I'm left out of anything...but if my mom is left out, it's the end of the world. They make sure to include her in everything and that's fine but I have to ask - what about me?

And of course, my mother does not stop and think about how this makes me feel and she goes and invites me all by herself. They don't tell her "tell Vicki." I don't know if it's because I am growing older, because I am in a serious relationship or because they have this idea of who I am but don't REALLY know me.

I have to admit that when I hit my teenage years, I changed a lot. I was moody, angry, mean, quiet, bossy (more bossy than usual), over opinionated and most of all "cold."

I'm not like that anymore and EVERYONE goes through that awkward teenage phase...where they feel like all of their problems are because of everybody else. I take full responsibility for my actions and I always put other people before myself. I wish my friends could submit testimonies to my family, to prove that I'm a good person with good morals and I respect everyone, even after I've been disrespected.

Sometimes I hope that they get a small grasp of who I really am when they see Ian and I together but I know the only thing that would shake their negative view on me is if he talked to them, which he will never do (but it would be appreciated if you did do that at some point with some of them you feel less awkward around). They like him and they ask me where he is when I go somewhere without him.

I wish they could know how warm I am and how badly I want to be accepted but I don't know how and I don't feel it's even worth bringing up or arguing over.

I am not the person they think I am and that's all I want them to know. Maybe I just need to try harder and maybe I just need to talk more, even if it's about something I don't know anything about. Ask more questions, laugh at more jokes, stop being so afraid of getting judged by them.

I just want them to like me.

I want acceptance.

I know that they care about my mother. I care about her too. But why can't we all just care for each other and let that be known instead of letting people stick out like sore fucking thumbs?

I want to have a place of my own somewhere within this family...because they're all I got. And even if they don't like me, that doesn't mean that I don't like or love them because I do and I would do anything for them. I really would. I love all of them so much. They don't know. No one knows. I will forever be grateful for the kindness they showed my mother and I after my dad died. I love them.

I just want that love in return.

Day 5

Day Five: A picture of somewhere you've been to.

I miss New York. I first went there in 2008 and again in 2009. The first time I visited, I was on the Staten Island Ferry the night before we had to leave and I just started to cry because I really didn't want to leave. My teacher is from New York so those two times I did visit, he was with us and showed us a bunch of different parts of the city but we didn't really get to look around that much. I want to go back in October or November; I'd like to see New York in the fall. My plan is to visit there at least once every year. I don't think I could ever get sick of it. I'd like to visit some libraries, some museums, go to the Central Park zoo, see other parts of New York besides Times Square. I really want to go to China Town during the day.

Day 4

Day Four: A habit that you wish you didn't have.

I always need to find something negative out of each day. It's as if I'm expecting something bad to happen.

Oops. Day 3.

Day Three: A picture of you and your friends.

Me and Juan. My best friend in the whole world. I love you buddy. Thanks for always having my back.

scrapbooking

It's not as creepy or as sad as it sounds. I started making "photo journals" when I was 14. My cousin Lety makes really amazing scrapbooks and I always envied her for having the time to make them but about a year ago, I went with her to a scrap booking store and afterwards she set aside how she was going to organize everything. It's really not that difficult.

So I'm going to start doing it. I've made one and it was for my dad. I'd like to start making them for myself just to have memories of what I did with friends, Molly getting bigger, my growing family and my relationship with Ian.

Whenever we move in, I do know that I want lots of photos up around the apartment which won't be difficult since I usually bring my camera with whenever we go somewhere and it would be cool to start putting together a scrap book just of our first year together and all of the things we've done so far.

Hopefully, in the near future, I will be able to buy a new lens and then I'll be taking A LOT more photos. Working with a semi-broken lens is a big hassle and I've been needing a new one for almost a year. I think I'm going to start working on scrapbooks within the next couple months, providing I have the time and money.

Day 2

Day two: The meaning behind your blogspot name.

I'm from Seoul. I like food.

Mixed the two together. The numbers are my birthday.

Bad day today. I cried. I took it out on Ian. I feel better but still not...all there.

When you don't use any kind of positive reinforcement on someone who has done the work that two to three people should be doing, for three days straight, it can weigh you down.

Things will get better. I just hope that day comes soon. I'm still thankful that I have a job and I intend to keep it for a long time.