my hormones lol

This weekend I went to C2E2 again and also had to work..so..it was a very busy weekend.

I picked a very big fight with my boyfriend on Saturday night that I forgot to write about.

I'm going to blame it on my hormones. I remember thinking to myself "I'm overreacting but at the same time, he just makes me so damn mad..."

My hormones are really out of control this month. Every time I run out of my birth control (not just the last week but the last PACK of pills as well), I become this HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE person and Ian gets the brunt of it.

Things got so bad that I walked out of his apartment at 12 in the morning and then stood outside of a closed restaurant crying hysterically on the phone to Juan.

After I called Ian a bunch of bad names and put him through a guilt trip, he finally came outside and made me go back inside and sleep and said I could go home during more reasonable hours if I still wanted to.

I listened to what I was saying to Juan and again part of me said "I'm overreacting" but another part of me said "BUT I'M SO MAD!!"

I blame a lot of our relationship issues on myself and my attitude. If I didn't act so crazy, things probably wouldn't be so bad between us. But at the same time, I know that Ian has to take responsibility for his actions or lack thereof.

I cried in bed for a really long time and just thought about what I had done and felt so ashamed of myself that there was nothing left for me to do but cry. And I cried so hard that I could barely even breath.

By the morning we were able to patch things up. But to be honest, I really don't remember much of what happened because I was so exhausted from working all day, crying and lack of sleep.

So yeah, I basically got no sleep that night and for some reason, Ian felt it necessary to keep me up at 745 a.m. when I decided to go use the bathroom and drink some water. And every time I tried going back to bed that day, he would purposely wake me up and prevent me from sleeping (I'm still trying to figure out why he did that).

Sunday afternoon/evening I was still a wreck on the inside and almost started crying while we were out to dinner because I just began thinking about all of my problems which made me want to crawl into a hole and die.

By 8 p.m. I could barely even walk because I was so tired.

I fell asleep before 11 p.m. and when I woke up it was almost 9.

I'm still recuperating from C2E2, the fight, my hormones and my lack of sleep.

I wish I was not so horrible to my boyfriend every time I get my period. He doesn't deserve it and I don't understand it. But this month was by far the worst for me and I remember the last time I ran out of a packet of pills, I was just as outrageous as I was this weekend.