Since I put myself through a guilt trip about Miguel, I scheduled a sleep over with him for this Tuesday and even sacrificed my normal Wednesdays with Ian to spend the day with Miguel at the aquarium. I know my mom isn't going to like it because it basically means that I will not be home Tuesday - next Monday but at this point, I don't really care since I'm moving out........at some point.

I think we have somewhat hit a wall with the apartment hunting. Ian applied for a place we looked at earlier on but he hasn't heard back from them yet and I'm getting really anxious about it because I just want to get out of here already.

I went to the doctor last week and found out that I still have high blood pressure and the doctor said even though I'm on medication, if it stays high then I have to take another medication that could further prevent me from having children. Even though I've pretty much decided that I don't want to physically give birth to a child because I know how difficult it would be for me and how many health risks are involved, I still want to have kids. Even if it means going into debt because we decide that we want doctors to take out one of my eggs and put it into another woman or going to a foreign country and adopting a baby and dealing with the same struggles my parents did - i.e. people telling them I wasn't REALLY their daughter, fighting with them because we just didn't mesh well, stuff like that..

I would just be curious to know what our own kid would look like and if it would have a big attitude like me or have anger issues like Ian. If it would be tall with really curly hair or fat with straight hair. One day it'll happen but not today.

I also found out that since my last doctor visit with my regular doctor (this doctor I went to go see last week was my dad's primary doctor and is also my mom's primary doctor) I have lost more than 35 pounds, mostly due to my job and the heavy lifting and cleaning and walking back and forth to grab things from the back room. I do know that shortly after I started seeing Ian, I actually put on weight from not being at work and doing practically nothing unless I was with Ian or my friends. So it was a big deal for me to find out that I lost weight since I can't remember the last time I lost that much in a somewhat short time span without going above and beyond to diet, exercise and basically starve myself. And starving myself and then eating like crazy is what made me diabetic to begin with. I'm kind of hoping that I continue losing weight and then I will no longer be diabetic but I know it's something I'd have to work at and I'd have to actually start going out and running again like I used to. It's difficult when it's cold, you don't really know if your neighborhood is safe anymore and you don't have any good running shoes.