moving

I wish I had the courage to tell my mother that I'm moving out so that she could just kick me out now and get it over with.

I do not want to spend Christmas with her. I want to be with my friends and Ian, who really feel like family.

Every year I tell myself "I'm not coming to this stupid party next year".....but I do it anyways because I don't want anyone having more reason not to like me and I also don't want to let my mom down, despite how bad she treats me or has treated me in the past.

But I really feel that starting next year, I'm gonna pass out our presents and leave shortly after midnight and just be with Ian because that is when I'm truly happy.

The majority (not all) of my family does not care about me as much as I'd like them to. It's always evident around my birthdays and on holidays. People just pretend to like me to my face.

I still don't know what I've done to them and I'll probably never know.

At this point, I really don't care.

I wish I could spend the holidays with Juan, Samson, Ian, Miguel and Laura. That's what I really want.