I told him that I would like to see Paris. He scoffed at me. This is probably one of those times when he didn't realize that he was coming off as rude and didn't mean to scoff, but he did. It could've gone one of two ways: 1. If my heart was REALLY set on going to Paris, I could have punched Juan in the face or somewhere equally as painful and walked out of the Borders or 2. I would have realized later on that Juan scoffed at me.
It was the latter.
Anyways, he responded with the scoff and then said, "EVERYBODY picks travel."
I've probably written about this before but if I haven't then here's what I have to say...and if you already read it too bad.
We pick travel because it's so easy to imagine a place where all of your problems instantly disappear, where you are in this foreign land (literally), surrounded by complete strangers who can't harm you, can't tell you what to do (unless they work for airport security or something similar to that), and can't stop you from seeing whatever it is that you're there to see. It's easy to dream up a place where you can just...RELAX.
There are plenty of things I'd like to accomplish before I die, on a realistic level. Sometimes I feel like Juan is still just a big kid. Sometimes his dreams are very similar to that of a child and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just not my style and who am I to say "No Juan, you cannot go to space camp." Juan can go to space camp if he wants to...but as far as I know, that is not on his bucket list.
Anyways, the more I think about it, the more I want to take some improv classes at the university of my choosing. I could either be REALLY good at it or fail miserably. At parties, I avoid talking to people as much as possible because I'm socially awkward but when I do decide to talk, I can grab the attention of everyone who is within ear range of my voice and they all laugh at my jokes. I'm really good at roasting on people, specifically my mother and Ian. I know that if I ever went through with this and accomplished my goal of performing stand up in some dive bar, I would have to get the approval of Ian (my mom can suck it. she won't be there lol) and I would probably change his name, just to save him any embarrassment from the 4 or so strangers that may be there watching me make a fool of myself. Anyways, yeah, so I would like to take some improv classes, find a way to get rid of my stage fright and also find a way to work that into my stand up routine if I decided to do a set at a poopy bar and just get that out of the way.
I am not conventional...by any means. I don't REALLY want to be a teacher but I DO want to make a difference in the world and it all starts with kids, in my opinion. I so wish that I had someone in my corner saying, "Yes Vicki, you can be a singer if you really want to. Go for that dream. Don't let ANYONE stop you, not even you." Honestly...who KNOWS where I would be if I had that type of encouragement in my life? I was very competitive at a young age and I knew I wanted to sing and nobody knew what I was capable of. My parents didn't know I could really sing until I was 18 years old.
I'm not stupid. I know what I'm capable of and what I'm not capable of and to be honest, if I had received the encouragement and support that parents and teachers are supposed to give children, I would probably be in New York or California right now recording my second or third CD. That's the life I really want. I want to sing on stage and be successful. I see so many artists who don't deserve to be on the radio because they don't have unique voices or they have to use auto-tune and all of these other special effects to make people WANT to buy their music and then I go to a karaoke bar or I organize a rock concert and people stop and listen. And for one split second, I get to reach people in the way I always wanted to and imagine that I'm at Carnegie Hall or The Met. It's just a hobby now. I don't have enough ambition, nor do I have the ability or time to write my own songs and get them out there.
But who knows?...Who knows what I could have been if I had received encouragement?
Anyways, teaching is stable....for now. I always seem to pick struggling careers (i.e. singing, writing, photography, etc.).
I'm not an ordinary girl and I wasn't meant to live an ordinary life.
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