I think a lot of mom's are like that, even for non-adoptee's. I used to have a lot of issues with my adoptive mother as well, now I just don't speak with her anymore. My advice is to leave your mother's house asap. It's really difficult to survive on your own, but if you can tough it out and find independence your mother won't be strangling you so much anymore with her neediness and attention-whoring.
In her defense (even though I hate defending crazy adoptive mothers), you have to remember that all women are really just little girls on the inside and we all need attention. I know that I'm a lot happier when a man is giving me attention, but I would never sacrifice my dignity or physical well-being just to get attention. Your mother has probably gone through some things that you will never be able to understand, and she'll never be able to understand the things that you feel pain about either. It doesn't mean she is allowed to smother you, but that's the result when a person who has been deeply hurt adopts a child.
I mean, think about it... your adoption was a decision she made in order to not be lonely. I'm sure her thought was, "I will finally have someone who will love me unconditionally." But the truth is that you don't have to love her if you don't want to. And she's probably aware of that and is very disappointed. I'm NOT telling you that you should try to repair or build a relationship with her, if anything my advice is to leave her forever. You don't OWE her anything so don't ever feel obligated to love her. My adoptive mother is desperate for love and attention as well, but I am not going to let her guilt me into being her daughter.
You and your boyfriend should try to get a place together maybe?
uh.....my mom was married when i was adopted. it was a decision both of them made, not just her so it wasn't about her being lonely. my dad died almost 4 years ago. they made the decision to adopt me because they wanted a child but couldn't have one on their own and they tried for years and even turned to infertility treatments. i pretty much know my mom's life story and nothing extremely horrible has ever happened to her. in fact, i see the way she treats other people in her life...like her own mother who she threw in a nursing home, and it really disgusts me. my mom really is my mom though. she raised me, she clothed me, she took care of me (most of the time), i always had a roof over my head and family to count on. the woman who gave me up for adoption is my mother biologically but she has not done anything for me and neither has yours or anyone else's who was adopted. i know that you struggle with feeling like you don't know who you are or that you don't belong and so do i, but i'm also very thankful that i am where i am because in every other aspect aside from my home life now (it wasn't so bad earlier on), i'm happy.
I think a lot of mom's are like that, even for non-adoptee's. I used to have a lot of issues with my adoptive mother as well, now I just don't speak with her anymore. My advice is to leave your mother's house asap. It's really difficult to survive on your own, but if you can tough it out and find independence your mother won't be strangling you so much anymore with her neediness and attention-whoring.
ReplyDeleteIn her defense (even though I hate defending crazy adoptive mothers), you have to remember that all women are really just little girls on the inside and we all need attention. I know that I'm a lot happier when a man is giving me attention, but I would never sacrifice my dignity or physical well-being just to get attention. Your mother has probably gone through some things that you will never be able to understand, and she'll never be able to understand the things that you feel pain about either. It doesn't mean she is allowed to smother you, but that's the result when a person who has been deeply hurt adopts a child.
I mean, think about it... your adoption was a decision she made in order to not be lonely. I'm sure her thought was, "I will finally have someone who will love me unconditionally." But the truth is that you don't have to love her if you don't want to. And she's probably aware of that and is very disappointed. I'm NOT telling you that you should try to repair or build a relationship with her, if anything my advice is to leave her forever. You don't OWE her anything so don't ever feel obligated to love her. My adoptive mother is desperate for love and attention as well, but I am not going to let her guilt me into being her daughter.
You and your boyfriend should try to get a place together maybe?
uh.....my mom was married when i was adopted. it was a decision both of them made, not just her so it wasn't about her being lonely. my dad died almost 4 years ago.
ReplyDeletethey made the decision to adopt me because they wanted a child but couldn't have one on their own and they tried for years and even turned to infertility treatments.
i pretty much know my mom's life story and nothing extremely horrible has ever happened to her. in fact, i see the way she treats other people in her life...like her own mother who she threw in a nursing home, and it really disgusts me.
my mom really is my mom though. she raised me, she clothed me, she took care of me (most of the time), i always had a roof over my head and family to count on. the woman who gave me up for adoption is my mother biologically but she has not done anything for me and neither has yours or anyone else's who was adopted. i know that you struggle with feeling like you don't know who you are or that you don't belong and so do i, but i'm also very thankful that i am where i am because in every other aspect aside from my home life now (it wasn't so bad earlier on), i'm happy.