Good question.
Ian seems to be the only person who doesn't want to move forward, which is a problem since he is one of the two people in this relationship. Yesterday, my mom called and told me that her boyfriend of only six months proposed to her on this dinner cruise they went on the night before. While I was really happy for her, it made me wonder - What am I doing wrong? I've been with the same person for almost two years and while we've had our ups and downs, I know couples who break up and make up more than we do and even they're engaged or even married.
What bothers me even more is the fact that Ian knew he wanted to marry me very early on in our relationship and he also knew early on that I'd say yes and just make the engagement a long one so that I could save up money, plan everything and find the right dress.
Two years later, all we've done is move in together and even that was and still is a challenge.
I told Ian last night that even if he does propose, at this point it won't even mean anything to me anymore. And that to me, is heartbreaking. It won't mean anything because I've constantly asked why he hasn't done it because I don't know what I'm doing wrong. At this point, the proposal won't have any romance to it. And after thinking about it at this point, I'll most likely say no based on where we are at and how much of a struggle it has been.
He shouldn't have to be forced into asking me to marry him and I shouldn't have to constantly ask him why it hasn't happened. I just want to know why everyone else gets a break but I don't get mine. Everybody else seems to be living a fairy tale but I'm stuck in a nightmare.
It just hurts because this is all I've wanted from him for such a long time.
...And now I'm crying at work.
Our relationship has turned into this business. We're more roommates than anything else. I buy food and he doesn't eat it because he thinks it's mine. I do my laundry separate from his now because he prefers going to the laundromat down the street and I fit all of my clothes into two bags and visit my mom while the loads are going.
There is no romance or spontaneity. It's all business and work and cleaning. He makes no effort to sweep me off my feet or surprise me. It's always "what do you want to have for dinner?" "i don't know." "okay i guess i'll make this unless you want something else." "that's fine."
I've told him so many times that this is exactly what I wanted to avoid and we ended up exactly where I said we would because he didn't make an effort.
I want things to improve and I know I have to give him time but I'm worried that I'm waiting for him to change and it will never, ever happen and I will have wasted even more of my life with someone who doesn't want to spend the next 40 years with me. But honestly, I can't blame him for feeling that way.
On our anniversary last year, I thought he was going to propose. It would have been ideal. I bought a dress and did rush delivery on it just so I could wear it for that day but the delivery man came to the house when I was doing laundry in the basement so I had to go all the way out to the suburbs to pick it up at the FedEx building. I really thought it was going to happen since we were going to this really nice restaurant and he wanted both of us to dress up.
But it didn't.
And here I am still waiting.
I'm done waiting. I don't even want it anymore..
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