Writing

I often think about writing a book about my life but since it all just kind of goes nowhere, I decide not to.

I want to write a book about everything I've gone through from the moment I was born but I know that it would require me to do some traveling - I'd have to travel to Seoul, South Korea to find out whatever information I could about my birth parents, specifically my birth mother.

Even though my adoption is such a small part of my beginning, I still feel like I would not be doing myself justice if I just said "I was born. My mother took me to Catholic Charities to give me up for adoption and didn't know my father's name. I don't know where or who she is."

I say that my adoption is a small part of my beginning because it truly is. Very rarely have I felt the urge to go and find my mother because I had so many people in my family. Through my adoption, my parents were kind of adopted by family friends who are now closer to us than my parents' blood relatives.

I feel that the majority of my story would be what it was like growing up with a parent who had cancer and what it was like for me in middle school, how I knew kids were already being pressured to have sex and do drugs and drink and meanwhile, I was the kid at home on a Friday night doing my math homework because I just wanted to get it out of the way.

I also feel that a big chunk of my story would have to do with my relationship with my mom and how it has always kind of been wishy washy between us. I would have to speak with her about this beforehand just to get her approval.

I'd eventually like to take my manuscript to a publisher or several publishers and face the onslaught of rejection letters but at least I can say that I tried.

I started writing a story about Ian and I but it goes nowhere.

I think it would help if I made an outline of the beginning, middle and end so I know where to take my story.

I'd also like to write fiction and I think it would be a lot easier to do that than pull from my own life but I've also thought about pulling from my own life and writing a number of different books where in each novel the main character deals with something heavy - a parent with leukemia who eventually dies after the child grows up, getting teased all throughout elementary school, tough relationships with partners or parents. I know there are a lot of books out there like this but I also know that I love writing and blogging or writing in my journal at home just aren't enough for me anymore.

I want to take my writing somewhere, even if I fail.