family values

As I was growing up, I always told myself that my friends would be my family. I felt that my friends understood me better, didn't judge me and accepted me the way that I was.
And then my dad died and so many things changed. I changed.
Since he died, I have been trying so hard to hold onto everyone in my family and I guess it's because I imagined what my life would be like without them and I didn't want to picture myself having regrets or wishing we had more moments together - If they're still here, I can make that connection. I can try, at least.
My mom's family has always been this force, this giant storm. There's no other way to explain it. I don't know everything but I do know that it has always been a struggle to keep them together. When I was 3 or 4, my mom's brother, my Uncle, found a job in Iowa and felt he had to take the opportunity. But he left without saying a word and left my grandmother in the dark, along with my other uncle and my mom. He took his 3 kids and my aunt with him and for about 16 years we were out of touch. Some of the boys and I tried writing to each other but it never really stuck.
One of my cousins found me on facebook about 2 years ago and we have been in each other's lives off and on since then.
Since my dad died, my uncle who was still living in Illinois, started to drift away from my mom. As they both got older, my mom became much more sensitive and my uncle became more abrasive, more honest. Shortly after my dad passed, my uncle and my mom were forced to put my grandmother into a nursing home because her alzheimers was just getting out of control - she was visiting her old house and the people currently living there had to call the police on her. She was going in the middle of the night, thinking it was during the day.
My grandmother also had no recollection of my father's death and every time my mom (stupidly) told my grandma that he was gone, she would go into this hysterical fit because even though he wasn't her son, he might as well have been.
Right before my dad died, my uncle promised my mom that he would always be in my life, that he would continue to be there for me as he was when I was a child and that he would take care of us.
He never followed through on that promise.
I miss my uncle and my aunt very much. I have the two of them to thank for my sometimes brutal honesty. I have my uncle to thank for keeping me in line when I was a teenager. "You have to stop giving your mother a hard time. She doesn't understand you or what it's like to raise a teen." I miss sitting in their kitchen, looking at old photos, playing with their dogs - all of the little things that you take for granted.
I know that I can't make my mom and my uncle speak again or be a major part of each other's lives but I just know that if I had any siblings, I would do everything in my power to keep us together. I may not understand because I was adopted but I think that I cherish family simply because of that reason. I always longed for a brother or sister, especially in the hard times with my mom and having to listen to her and my dad fight.
Anyways, even though he may not really be a part of my mom's life, doesn't mean he can't be a part of mine. All I can do is try.
There's one important part that I left out. After my dad passed, I thought about who I would like to walk me down the aisle and ever since he died, the one person at the top of the list is my uncle. I can only hope that when it's time for us to get married, he'll be there for me, right next to me, giving me away.