Whoops.

I realize now that it's been a few days (or a week, at least) since I've written here.

I got Juan a job here and he likes it a lot and he's doing well.

I'm pretty sure that my mom is on some type of medication due to her highs and lows and I'm also pretty sure that she hasn't been taking it lately since she's been picking fights with me like she used to EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I come over now and Julio is not there. I thought that things were different between my mom and I but I can see that we will probably always butt heads and that's too bad because it just makes me not want to be around her.

For instance: last week she started arguing with me about wanting my uncle (her brother) in my life and said I'm never on her side (I still don't know what she's talking about) and started talking about everything bad that everyone's done to her - Okay, for once, can this NOT be about you? She is a completely selfish person and I've understood for a long time now, why my uncle chooses not to really talk to her - he just has no patience for her bullshit, drama and lies.

Ian and I spent this past weekend with my cousin Lety, her husband and their twin 2-year-olds. They're a handful, to say the least but I really enjoyed my time with them. I'm still recuperating from the weekend - we took them to Wisconsin Dells and spent more time in the water than anywhere else. My whole body is still sore from carrying them around in and outside of water, picking them up, etc.

I thought that the experience would only strengthen my desire to NOT have any children but it actually did the exact opposite. I don't want to get pregnant and have 5 kids tomorrow or anything like that but I would like children of my own. I would like to know what it's like to hold my own child (and no I don't only mean by birth, I am totally 100% for adoption as well). As I saw my cousin holding her kids in the water, this feeling of sadness kept overcoming me. I want to have a child that I can spoil with love and affection and bring up in a happy, loving home where we take them out to experience new things every day.

Having biological children would be interesting because I always wonder what our child or children would look like. I do want kids and I do want to take the chance of screwing things up because I learned so much from my parents bad parenting and I'm sure Ian learned a lot of positive things from his mother and a lot of "what not to do" guidelines from his father's parenting skills over the years.

This weekend I was supposed to hang out with one of my friends but I don't see it happening in the near future. I don't know what's going on but I'm not going to try and figure it out when there's no communication on her part. I continuously put myself out there for people, a lot of people. And most of them just let me down or step all over me. I think I care too much about people and it's always been one of my weaknesses. I just care too much about them and I care too much about what people think of me.

I really want to go and sing though so I think that on Friday, after I go home and eat some dinner, I'm gonna go with some of my friends to do karaoke.

On Saturday, Ian and I are going to do a double feature of Harry Potter and Captain America. I'm really excited and have been very excited for both films for a while.

Our anniversary is next weekend. When he plans the things we do for the day, he chooses not to tell me. It's the one day of the year where he decides to be spontaneous. I'm looking forward to it and I'm really looking forward to the gifts I got him. There are other things I want to get him but I decided to save them for his birthday.

I guess I am still doing well at work since I haven't gotten any negative feedback so that makes me happy. I still worry about money but not as much as I had to before.