Real update/day 19

I know I haven't done a real update in a while so here goes. Things between Ian and I have been going well lately. I'm really starting to hate my job again because I constantly feel as though everything I do or say is wrong but I don't hate it enough to quit or look for another place of employment. I think things will get better with time because certain aspects of the job that I didn't like, aren't as bad anymore. My mom has a new boyfriend and even though they just met three weeks ago, they started telling each other they loved one another after about three days - no, I'm not exaggerating.

This is the first "serious" relationship my mom's attempted to hold onto since my dad died. In general, she's a needy person so when she doesn't get the attention she wants, she becomes a totally different person. I'm getting more and more nervous about moving out because I don't know how she's going to react. A large part of me thinks she'll sell the house and that will cause a huge argument between the two of us because a bunch of my baby clothes and toys are upstairs and a lot of my dad's stuff is still up there. I grew up in this house. I've been living here for more than 14 years. I know she's going to go and tell my family how terrible of a daughter I am and I will therefore get the never ending guilt trip from my cousins and probably some of my aunts and uncles.

I miss being in school already. I definitely want to go back next semester. Today I was on the bus and was jealous of a girl who had a bag representing her college downtown and realized, "I DO NOT want to be working at this pet food store for the rest of my life...I want a job that's gonna make me happy." Yesterday when I woke up, I just KNEW it was going to be bad at work (and it was) and I practically begged Ian to let me stay over again last night. It's a good thing I did because if I were to originally come home as planned, I probably would've cried for a while and felt sorry for myself the whole night. Ian is usually the last person to stress me out or put me in a bad mood and that's why I wanted to stay with him, as opposed to going home and dealing with my mom.

This girl wrote something on Tumblr about how her boyfriend saves all of the stuff she's written to him in a box. Often times, I feel like Ian doesn't appreciate me as much as I'd like or that he doesn't want me around but I know for a fact that he holds onto the stuff I write for him. He has his own way of showing how he loves me and I'm beginning to understand that more and more. If there's such a thing as your heart smiling, I guess that's what I experienced this weekend with him. It was his birthday on Saturday. On Friday, we went to House of Sushi with his mom and saw The Expendables. I did not get salmonella poisoning (Thank God!). We later discovered that House of Sushi delivers so I'm sure that some time soon, we'll be getting that. On Thursday, my mom's boyfriend is supposed to come over and the four of us are SUPPOSED to have dinner but I don't know if that's going to happen now since she seemed to screw things up again. I may have a private talk with him because I don't really like this roller coaster of emotions she's on and I just want to tell him that I want both of them to be happy and how hard it is for me to come home and see her like this.

Day 19: Nicknames you have; why do you have them?

The only stable nickname I have is a shorter version of my real name...I'm assuming people use this because there's less syllables.