I think the answer to this one is pretty obvious since I write about it all of the time. I'm happy with my friends and I'm happy when I'm with Ian. I try to keep the two separate as much as possible because I know he doesn't like me dragging him to stuff. He is naturally a home body and I basically am as well. A big reason why I chose to keep my time with my friends separate from my time with Ian is because I wanted to see if I got sad when we weren't together - and I don't. I do love him a lot, more and more each day and sometimes that still scares me because I don't want to be with him for years and years and one day it's like "I'm tired of your crap. Bye." or "I found someone younger, thinner, prettier and less complicated. Bye."
I'm afraid of losing him because he treats me so well and I know that he cares for me a lot. I can see us moving in in a few months and then getting engaged in a couple years and then finally getting married a couple years after that. And maybe a couple years after that, we can have some kids or adopt some children. To me, adoption would be REALLY natural since I was adopted. We've briefly talked about surrogate. Secretly (but not anymore since he reads my blog and then tells me "I read your blog") I looked up the prices for it and it's REALLY expensive...but I think that if we want to have a child of our own, that would be the only way to do it. I've been told by a few different doctors that giving birth could probably kill me because of my medical conditions. I do want a child of my own but I also want to adopt a baby or two.
I know that things between us won't always be easy and God knows in the past year, we've had a number of ups and downs but I feel like we are really good together. Usually when one is down, the other is trying to bring that person back up. When one wants to complain, the other one will listen. When we do fight, we fight about the dumbest things. I have an acquaintance whose boyfriend recently went to a strip club and thought nothing of it...meanwhile, she's on facebook throwing their business out there for the world to see. I know that he would never do anything like that to me because he's too socially awkward. If he ever did leave me for someone else or make the mistake of cheating on me...I really think that if he told me right away and was upfront about everything, we could work together and get past it. Things would never be the same but not in a bad way. The most important thing to me is to be with someone who will always be honest with me and just shows that they love me and I think that for now, that's what I have.
No comments:
Post a Comment