Can't sleep.

I can hear Ian lightly snoring in the bedroom, which means I have about half an hour or so to myself and to writing.
I often read books or watch films/tv shows where the partners end up being so sick or annoyed by the other one and then I find myself in that same situation as the character - wondering how I ended up here or why he does or says certain things..or in most cases, says nothing.
I have had a number of unsuccessful relationships, as well as a number of unsuccessful pursuits. I keep thinking about that small survey I did yesterday and every now and then, I think about how different my life would have been if certain things had changed or worked out for me in one way or another. I'll never know why I wasn't good enough and it's such a shame that I will wonder about it for the rest of my life.
I never thought I'd be here. Living with someone. I'm 24 years old and I will probably end up spending the rest of my life with Ian. Sometimes it's something that I'm happy about and other times, not so much and I'm sure he feels the same way. There are many times when he chooses not to say anything to me and then I have no other choice but to read his tweets to see what kind of mood he's in, which when we get right down to it is absolute nonsense.
Sometimes I feel like with each passing moment, Ian makes the choice not to say things to me. With more and more time, he becomes more and more quiet. And I feel completely helpless. I want to help. I want to know what's bothering him. I want to know what he's happy or excited about. I want to know why he's stressed out. I want to know why he's annoyed.
But the majority of the time, I get nothing. And attempts at getting him to talk about his feelings are similar to trying to pull teeth with a pair of tweezers.
It's too late for me to leave. We have both invested too much in this relationship. And I don't always want to leave. Sometimes I think we'd be better off without each other and other times I think about the moments in life when he's not there, wishing that he was.
I wish he was more supportive and talkative. I wish that if we were at a birthday party for a 10 year old, he could say to me "I feel awful. Can we go home?" Instead of nodding slowly as if I'm speaking a foreign language when I ask him if he's ready to go home..like he's the child and I'm the parent.
I wish that he would tell me he WANTS to go somewhere or WANTS to be there for me instead of "I'll go because I know it's important to you." I never hear "I WANT to do this for you." I often feel like I get no support from him, in that respect.
My family doesn't understand me and probably never will. I'm extremely socially awkward and they have no interest in trying to figure out why or trying to figure out how to make it easier for me. But my family is still my family and I have to go to holiday parties and birthday parties and dinners. More often than not, I feel like I am forcing Ian to come with me to these things. As if it's his family who chastises him or tries forcing him to get drunk or doesn't ever try to understand why he is the way he is. There is no support on his end in that regard.
When we're at a family party, I feel like that one quote "I am alone in a room full of people."
There are times when he can be very surprising but it's obvious that it's extremely difficult to do so. It's not in his nature to be romantic or look at the bright side of our relationship when he's talking to people. We used to hug and kiss all of the time in public and now there are times when we don't even speak to each other or look at one another.
I know that if I ever left or if he ever left me, this would become a new problem with a new person eventually so there's nothing that I can do. I've talked till I was blue in the face. I've cried. I've begged and pleaded for things to change or for books to be read. Nothing happened.
It's hard to watch your relationship turn into this thing that you swore you'd never be a part of.