Fat Shopaholic

I found this girl's blog a few minutes ago and I absolutely love her. Her website came up through Torrid's facebook page. At first I thought "Oh NO...." but seconds later, it turned into "Good for her and good for fat girls everywhere who dare to be different."

In my probably brief moment of hope, I will tell myself to make more bold choices in my clothing and stop caring if people are looking at me or judging me - Who cares. She was in an article in Time Out Chicago a few days ago and made a comment about eating in public and what it basically came down to was "you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't." And she's totally right. Eventually, I reached a point where I really didn't give a shit if people were watching me eat or if they were disgusted. If I want to eat a cheeseburger, I'm gonna eat it. If ketchup is running down my face, I really don't care as long as it doesn't get on my clothes. I wore heels/boots the other day - first time EVER. I was scared shitless that I would fall on my ass. People looked at me. I wore leggings with the boots. People surveyed me up and down. Nobody seemed disgusted or shocked or angry. I gained an ounce of confidence back even though my feet are still recovering from those boots and I am about six feet tall in them.

I recently purchased a mini skirt from Torrid - my first EVER (again). I sent it to Ian before purchasing.

"It's a little too short," he said at first.

Today I put it on and looked in the mirror. I know that despite my size, I look good in it because I have great legs and I ALWAYS have and ALWAYS will.

Even though I want to continue losing weight, mostly to get rid of my health problems, I know that I'll always be fat - if not on the outside then on the inside. I love food. I love good food. I love greasy food. I love healthy food. I love Sunday Breakfast/2 a.m. breakfast food.

But I also came to realize that I love my body - whether Ian does or not. At the end of the day, I have to live with myself and I have to be okay with myself and I have to stop caring about whether or not anyone else is okay with how I look.

I know I'll always have curves, or some kind of tire around my stomach and while I'm okay with that, I am also okay with improving my body to the best of my ability for the sake of my mortality.

I love how one person made a complete difference in my life today. Someone that I don't even know. That is one thing about our world that has not and never will change. One person CAN make a difference.