Ian just left about half an hour ago. I sat by the window and cried after he left. Immediately after the door closed, both of the cats sat in the window looking for him, trying to figure out why I'm still here and why he's gone. Flynn, in particular, who is much closer to Ian because it's his cat that I got for him in December, is still looking around for Ian.

It won't be so bad because we need this time to have some space from one another but I just get so lonely. And it doesn't help that I don't live with my mom anymore, I'm ACTUALLY alone here. My alarm has been going off for five minutes and I'm still sitting here, not turning it off. Today my mom is coming over for dinner, I guess. I kind of just asked her on a whim - I was thinking about how shitty I'd probably feel tonight when I got home and asked her to come over to the apartment for pizza. Why oh why did I do that...

I'm actually thinking about calling her and cancelling and just telling her I'm sick or something. Will probably do that and just go visit her on Sunday.

I just hate being here alone. It feels unnatural to me. I tried begging Juan to come over here and sleep at the apartment but we already spend so much time together - we both go to the gym together, we work together, we hang out on the weekends if I plan something. I'm not annoyed by him, that rarely ever happens on my part but I know that I'm a tough pill to take...especially when I'm so lonely.

Gotta get ready for work now. I'll probably be blogging more than usual.