So Ian is back from his trip. I met him the airport yesterday. Of course by the time I reached his baggage claim area, he had made his way to where I previously was by airport's train stop. I know that we have a lot to work on but it all starts with making myself happy each day, or allowing myself to be happy and stop letting fear and jealousy come over me.

I need to stop feeling so threatened by other women and believe that above all, Ian lives with me and has been dating me for two years. I can only hope that based on the things his father did to his mother, he learned not to treat women the same way. I have to stop punishing Ian for things other men have done to me so I decided to write all of them letters, forgiving and forgetting the hurtful things they did to me.

It's also important for me to believe that a real woman who respects herself and knows who she is, isn't going to attempt to steal someone else's boyfriend.

Most importantly, I just have to work on my self esteem because there are things about me that I used to like, that I am learning to like again and every day, I am determined to tell myself that I'm good enough for him and no matter what, he will be faithful to me and I to him.

Laura once told me that it takes six weeks to make a habit out of something - I have tested this and it's absolutely true. My plan is to continue cleaning the apartment, every day, to keep it in good shape. When Ian came home last night, he jokingly said "IT'S SO CLEAN.....WHAT HAPPENED???"

I believe that any and all problems we have as a couple can be fixed - there are definitely no quick fix solutions but with time, things will be alright. All we can do is hope to be happy each day. I can't force us to get engaged and I can't force us to grow. It all has to happen naturally and I've gotta tell myself "all in good time."

I missed him a lot and I think that after he saw how happy I was yesterday, just to be around him, he realized that he may have missed me as well even though he was having such a good time in Seattle.

I missed seeing him sleep next to me in bed. More than anything though, I missed his embrace. I told Juan yesterday that I know deep in my heart that I truly love Ian, despite our issues and despite the fact that it's so hard for me to be happy. I know that I really love him because as I was contemplating what might happen when he got home yesterday, I thought to myself "If he thinks being apart is better for us as individuals, I would be happy knowing he's happy. That's all I want for him in life." But the reason I was so upset about this trip is because I see him receiving more responsibility and having a larger part in the website he writes for and having these great opportunities to interview & talk to people he looks up to...and I just want to be right there for him, cheering him on. I'm so proud of him for everything he has accomplished and I just want him to continue succeeding, no matter who he's working for.