It is time for me to stop being selfish as well. I cannot picture myself with anyone else, I say that all of the time. I always say that I love him more than anything, if that's the case then I have to stop thinking of myself and think of what makes him happy.

I know now more than ever that I am very close to losing him forever and that is the last thing I want. I have to show him how much he means to me instead of just telling him. No more talking. I don't know why I never thought to stop before.

It may be because every time I've felt a change needed to be made in my life, it was at the eleventh hour. It was always like, "okay.....this has to stop...right now."

I'm going to make a conscious effort to repair our relationship if I still have the chance. I just don't want him to feel that he is stuck with me or that he'll hurt me if he leaves. Of course it will be painful but I know that I really do love him because more than anything, I want him to be happy. And if he will be happy without me around, I would be accepting of that.

I'll always love him. Even if we break up. He has meant more to me than anyone I've ever known and I keep screwing it up.